Pinapple Kingdom Lags in Space Race

Fortunately in the aftermath of the stupendous LNP victory here in the Pineapple Kingdom there have been no mass roundups of the very few suspected ALP supporters that could be found or any midnight disappearances by death squad for that matter. Young Napoleon Dynamite has so far to date been a graceful, loving and benevolent leader to his new found peoples in victory. I suspect he is taking a leaf or two out of the other "Great Successor" Kim Jong-un's play book, though I confess it is somewhat humiliating to admit that our space program is still lagging some distance behind that of North Korea's.

Great doings in the Pinapple Kingdom

In other big news the annual South East Queensland crime wave has kicked off right on schedule, commencing with a spate of around a 160 ram raids, assorted violent retail assaults and robberies, along with a few serious homicides, to take us straight up to the top of the East Coast Crime leader board. Victoria has been well out of the series ever since Carl Williams got the axe and they benched Judy Moran. And try as it might NSW can't even come close, no matter how many suburban drive by shootings they manage. And besides everyone knows that Lebanese organised crime families are very poor shots and on their best days they only ever manage to chip a bit of fibro and ventilate a couple of rolla doors. Though I have to admit NSW nearly had us last year with the Mascot Airport bikie brawl. Nobody saw that coming, but a few good homicides late in the game put us well over the line. Go the "mighty maroons"!

Of course all this is a perfect opportunity for Premier Napoleon Dynamite to set himself apart from the soft on crime Socialists and score big with the long suffering populace. He already has our only Police helicopter burning out it's turbine racing between various crime scenes and there was talk in the local paper last week of the enormous social dividend that might be realised, if only it were camouflaged and armed with a 20mm rotary cannon and air to ground rockets. This might forestall any further escalation of car heists by those citizens planning either a gang land hit or a ram raid.

Sale on Plain Brown Paper Bags

Speaking of Huns, here in the New Banana Republic, also known as Queensland, Mrs Newman's little boy Campbell (or Premier Napoleon Dynamite as I like to call him) is now in full control. In fact he is in so much control, I haven't heard much of him since he was elected. He has no doubt busied himself clogging up the well oiled wheels of Government by appointing various old party hacks to sensitive senior public service positions. I imagine he will soon have the whole place Humming like a vintage 1920's Singer sewing machine with a bent treadle rod. None the less I was moved to assist the LNP faithful today by tweeting " To all wealthy LNP supporters: This week only special on Plain Brown Paper Bags, heavy duty, thick wall. 500 packs. Only $10.50 each". After all it was the least I can do to help get the old outfit back on the right track.